(To set the scene  This was a snippet of testimony during a RICO conspiracy case with the a
  coopering witness on the stand.  It's a gang case and I just couldn't help myself.  First thoughts
  that pop in the head and I wrote on the fly -- no worries, though.  It's removed during the editing          process.)


BY MR.LINCOLN:
Q. Which area is Chatham and Fenkell?  On the left side or the right side? 
A. It's on the left side. 

(REPORTER:  Yeah, that's the Crip's side.)

Strong Women

 I kid you not.  This is exactly what my female  witness answered in her deposition from an injury accident.
 
 
Q..   Ma'am, have you ever in your life suffered any injuries?  
A.     No.  I was not complaining of anything.  I was as strong as a horse.  

ALL IN A DAY'S WORK

This was pulled from my archives of reporting experiences.   My personal comments are in
parenthesis, but don't worry.   I take them out during the editing process.  They're random
thoughts from my head, but I share them here. This one is just pure craziness.   Life, you
just can't make this stuff up.

"Q.     During your employment with the Medical Examiner's Office have you ever been
         disciplined?
 A.     Yes.
 Q.     For what?
 A.     Released the wrong body to the wrong funeral home."
          (Okay.   That's not good.)

OX and a DITCH

(July 12, 2017 in Texarkana, Texas )
There we were,  in the middle of the courtroom on a very serious hearing and all of a sudden this is what you hear!   Luckily, my little fingers only froze for a moment when I thought, "What did he just say?" )
                                      -   -   -
                 " MR. COUNSEL:   Now, this phrase 'remote cause' is very important for the Court to focus on, because there is a long history of cases in Texas dating back to the 1800s that talk about remote causation.
                  "Now, where the ox left the ditch, in terms of the recommendation, initially, is in the -- it starts from the beginning".
                                        -   -   -

VRRROOM! VRRROOM!

                              *    *    *
(November 10, 2016 in Duncan, Oklahoma)
(California attorney meets Oklahoma man.)

BY DEFENSE COUNSEL:
Q. And how far was it from home?
A. Basically, just around the corner.
Q. So, did you walk?
A. I have a riding lawnmower and I drove it over there.
Q. Oh, a riding lawnmower.  Nice.
                         -   -   -

WOW - FLIPPED OUT

                                                                 -   -   -
(Too funny!!  Defense Attorney is taken aback during Plaintiff's discovery deposition.)

BY DEFENSE ATTORNEY:
Q. Did you have any other voicemail messages?
A. No, sir.
Q. Do you have any other recordings that have been transcribed related to any of your claims in this case?
A. No, sir.
Q. Do you have any other recordings related to this case?
A. No, sir.
Q. Did you keep the actual recording of this message?
A. Right in my pocket.
Q. You literally have it.  It's on your cell phone?
A. Yes, sir.
Q. Can you tell by looking at it what the date is?
A. I don't think so.  Let me get out my ...
Q. I think that's a fair question.
A. Let me get out my flip phone.
Q. Wow.  Okay.  It's not ...
                           DEFENSE COUNSEL:  Question withdrawn.
                           Let the record reflect that it's not an iPhone or a Smartphone of any sort but yet a ...
                           THE WITNESS:  But yet in high demand from the museum.
                           DEFENSE COUNSEL:  Yeah, perhaps.  In high demand from a museum.
                           THE WITNESS:  Perhaps.

                                                                      -   -   -

FANCY PANTS LAWYERS

NOTE:   This is a blog of actual testimony taken by this court reporter during her career as a court  reporter.  

(Closing argument of plaintiff counsel in civil injury case)

     PLAINTIFF COUNSEL:  Now, as to the amount and how to do it.  He's right.  I told you in opening that this would be a significant dollar amount, a significant dollar amount.  And the way I knew that was because we start here and then we go down that list.  And you can put a dollar amount by each one of those items or you can do the common sense thing and multiply this number, whatever that number is, by three and come to your number.  That is the way to make the calculation.  That will present justice in this county and it will send a message that people can't hire fancy pants lawyers to come in here and defend --

     DEFENSE COUNSEL:  I'm going to object.

     PLAINTIFF COUNSEL:  -- a no defense case --

     DEFENSE COUNSEL:  Your Honor?

     PLAINTIFF COUNSEL:  -- when there is ...

     THE COURT:  I'm sorry?

     DEFENSE COUNSEL:  I object to him calling me a fancy pants lawyer.

     PLAINTIFF COUNSEL:  Well, he's pretty good-looking anyway.

     (To defense counsel.)  Huh?  Is that okay?

     DEFENSE COUNSEL:  (Slumping back into his seat.)  Well, well -- thank you.